Tuesday, January 19, 2010

In Service

I have always thought my grandmother was regal, a Queen Mother.

In Wisconsin, I sat with my grandmother expending every ounce of positivity and optimism within me as neighbors drifted in with casseroles and home made chicken soups, pies and strudels.

She looked at me and said "I am so melancholy. But it is a comfort to have something delicious and good for you that someone made with their own hands. Food is love."

So after 72 years with my grandfather she must move forward alone. And food is love.

I left her condo, went to buy groceries with my father's credit card and fought the urge to pull over the car and go to sleep. My eyelids were weighted down like iron. It was a bright January day, I had slept the night before and woken at a reasonable hour. It is just exhausting not to cry.

I am an adult member of this family now and so I do not cry, till later in the afternoons when my mother comes home from work and finds me curled up in her bed. Then we cry, just a little. "He was my dad longer than my own father." She says, then goes about all the minor details that no one else even thinks of for days on end with a house full of mourners.

I put together the bean dip that she had promised for school. And then I made pans of vegetable lasagna, the kitchen is a sea of sqaush, zuchini, mushrooms and kale, with white wave tips of ricotta and mozzarella. In a frenzy of love, and helplessness, I flew around the kitchen slicing and roasting and tossing olive oil, nearly burning the garlic, whisking the butter and flour, not scorching the cream. Barely keeping my head above the water. One pan with sausage, one without for my vegetarian brother who has not come home yet.

They will cook the lasagnas the next day, the night before the service. But I am gone, to stay the night with my grandmother. Away from a full house to a quiet and newly empty condo. I brought her a tiny lasagna but she is not well enough to eat it.

I knelt at her feet and manicured her hands while softly pressing for my favorite stories. I worked lotion into her gnarled hands and she told me about picking out her engagement ring.

"I thought for sure I was blinding everyone on that streetcar with my little ring."

In the morning my beloved cousin and I made up her face the way she made up ours when we were little girls, before an outing or church. My mother never let me wear make up, but my grandmother would dab bright pink lipstick, hand me a tissue to blot my mouth....a little perfume behind the ears.

She arrived at the church, flanked by grown granddaughters, her ladies in waiting and a snow white poodle.

At her service.

43 comments:

Anonymous said...

Better say nothing than nothing to the purpose. ........................................

pass said...

杜雷斯成人貼圖免費成人電影線上觀看成人卡通貼圖區亞洲成人文成人dvd影城線上免費看短片線上免費做愛影片線上免費無碼短片線上免費貼片線上免費漫畫網線上免費影片a線上直播免費a片線上洪爺線上看無碼卡通線上看影片a線上看碼線上美女影片線上做愛小影片線上做愛遊戲線上做愛影片區線上情色看線上情色貼線上情色影片免費線上無碼免費av線上短片免費線上短片免費試看線上看情色影片網線上看情色網線上看做愛小影片免費線上看A金瓶梅成人漫畫金瓶梅情色小說文學ut聊天室色情文學

Anonymous said...

精彩的文章是我停留的理由~.........................

Anonymous said...

Hello~Nice to meet you~..................................................

Anonymous said...

It's great!!..................................................

婉菁 said...

I love readding, and thanks for your artical.........................................

Anonymous said...

若對自己誠實,日積月累,就無法對別人不忠了。........................................

Anonymous said...

原來這世上能跟你共同領略一個笑話的人竟如此難得........................................

TimikaE俞萍_Harkey偉昀 said...

看看blog放鬆一下,工作累死了............................................

Anonymous said...

Efforts to fight fuel!........................................................

Anonymous said...

偉大的致富萬能之鑰,正是幫你充分掌握自己心志所必須的自律自制........................................

Anonymous said...

aio 交友愛情館影片sexy girl6k聊天室尋夢園色情圖貼美女聊天室請認明aooyy com正妹貼圖正妹視訊正妹無名相簿的密碼sexav999免費影片星野亞希充氣娃娃星野亞希個人資料星野亞希t恤星野亞希t星野亞希走光星野亞希資料星野亞希裸照星野亞希寫真集 sneaker lover星野亞希寫真集 完全 copy星野亞希寫真集bt下載視訊 辣妹美女 視訊a片免費試看avdvd視訊甜心寶貝av貼片區視訊交友av168818 成人girl5320微風成人情色 網成人圖片77p2p影片區utobe影片成人文學情色遊戲s18x色片情人視訊聊天非常好色6 0下載正妹日報成人版成人交友獸皇影片分享區avooo影音1111視訊5278論壇5278影片網

哲維 said...

Learning makes life sweet.............................................................

Anonymous said...

做愛 淫慾 s18x愛 寫真 77p2p 辣妹 淫婦 av 美女 美女聊天室 後宮聊天 打手槍 視訊 18禁視訊 貼圖 xPlus.av 援交打炮 女優 live173 173 85免費 uthome聊天室 一夜情 xvideo 免費視訊 情色聊天 交友聊天 影音視訊聊天室 情人視訊 a片

亦妮亦妮 said...

世間是非,要如水泥地般水過則乾。..................................................................

Anonymous said...

感謝您寫下您的生活,也是把珍寶來和諸君分享的心意。.................................................................

Anonymous said...

死亡是悲哀的,但活得不快樂更悲哀。.................................................................

Anonymous said...

您的blog蠻不錯的耶,祝你快樂哦!期待您的更新!.................................................................                           

Anonymous said...

到處逛逛~~來繞繞留個言囉~~~~.................................................................                           

Anonymous said...

成熟,就是有能力適應生活中的模糊。.................................................................

Anonymous said...

向著星球長驅直進的人,反比踟躕在峽路上的人,更容易達到目的。............................................................

Anonymous said...

蛛絲馬跡皆學問、落花水面皆文章............................................................

Anonymous said...

Rome was not built in a day............................................................

Anonymous said...

感謝你的分享 要繼續發表好文章喔..................................................................

Anonymous said...

All good things come to an end...................................................................

Anonymous said...

Readiness is all.............................................................

Anonymous said...

你的部落格感覺很棒,nice job!..................................................................

Anonymous said...

寫文章需要心情~~期待你再一次的好文章..................................................................

Anonymous said...

Learn wisdom by the follies of others.............................................................

Anonymous said...

Lets cross the bridge when we come to it............................................................

Anonymous said...

It is easier to get than to keep it.......................................................................

Anonymous said...

世間事沒有一樣沒有困難,只要有信心去做,至少可以做出一些成績。..................................................

Anonymous said...

有夢最美啦~~加油!元氣滿點!...............................................................

Anonymous said...

在你一無所有的時候 是誰在陪伴你 他便是你最重要的人......................................................................

Anonymous said...

如此動感的blog!!!............................................................

Anonymous said...

人生是故事的創造與遺忘。............................................................

Anonymous said...

感謝分享 功德無量............................................................

Anonymous said...

文章雖然普通,但意義卻很大~~^^~~ ..................................................

Anonymous said...

笑口常開~~天天開心............................................................

Anonymous said...

每次看完你的文章,總是回味許久,要經常發表喔。..................................................

Anonymous said...

時間就是靈魂的生命。................. ................................................

Anonymous said...

男女互悅,未必廝守終生,相愛就是美的。.................................................................

Anonymous said...

文章不求沽名釣譽,率性就是真的..................................................................